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Wednesday
Feb112015

The Seven Year Itch

Last August marked seven years since I had the mastectomies and reconstruction. January marked seven years since I finished chemotherapy. Since then I have had four more surgeries related to my breast cancer diagnosis and initial treatments. The last one happened at the end of November 2012.
There are so many phases to suvivorship. They differ depending on how one reacts to the inital diagnosis and how they handle treatment. It may also depend on the relationship the patient has with their medical team, and the habits they develop as survivors.
All patients feel some letdown following the completion of treatment. While going through surgery, physiotherapy and susequent treatment; whether chemotherapy, radiation therapy or both, a patient is kept busy, and your mind is dedicated to "winning" the battle. You are left on your own after that, with only two to four visits to see your oncologist per year.
And perhaps that's where I can comment on the not so small subleties of the changes that occur, the further you get from your diagnosis and treatment. I no longer see this as "winning the battle". I see it more at putting my body at ease. My body was not healthy, and was diseased when they found the cancer. The initial diagnosis was DCIS in situ, and I was told that it was the best cancer I could get. I'm not sure if doctors say this as a sort of consolation prize after telling a patient the bad news, but it didn't seem to work for me. I was young; only 45 years old, with three young girls who needed their mother.
My initial diagnosis was made in April 2007. I had my first surgery that same month; a lumpectomy. My oncologist was hoping to remove all the cancer at that time, based on the results from my ultra sound and infrared testing. Unfortunately the margins were not clear, and I was faced with the decision of either going back for another lumpectomy, with the hope that the margins would be clear at that point, or a mastectomy. I chose the latter. By the time I had surgery; over three months later, the cancer was not only all over the right breast, but it had started forming into a tumour and was moving through my lymph nodes. All I can say, is that given this is a a slow moving cancer, by my oncologist's standards, my body was probably dis-eased for a few years before diagnosis.
So why, do you ask, did I title this blog post "The Seven Year Itch"? It's because being a cancer survivor is a title we have had bestowed on us for the rest of our lives. There are days we use it for good things and there are days we wish we never had it. Luckily the self pity parties are few and far between for me. I nevertheless need to say that the more time that is put between a cancer diagnosis, and therefore adds to my cancer survivorship, the more I have put in time to delve into my inner soul to figure out why my body became dis-eased in the first place.
I have mentioned in my blog posts before....Cancer happens for a reason. I initially thought that it was for a good reason, and I still believe this to be true today; but for different reasons. It enabled me to see through people more clearly, to weed out the people in my life who were only there for the sunny days anyway. It helped me be centered and start new habits of meditation and inner soul searching. It helped me live in the day and not in the past or the future. It helped me appreciate and be more grateful. These are all good things, but the real work starts when you have to clear all those roadblocks that initially caused the dis-ease in your body to start with. They can be more easily seen through regular meditation and soul searching, but one has to be realistic when confronted with the truth. I call these more profound realizations the cancer survivor's seven year itch.
My surviorship has reached a new level, and so have I. The true work has just begun.

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