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Tuesday
Mar032015

Playing My Cards Right

 Life is what we are dealt. It's how we handle it that makes us who we are. A colleague and friend sent me this earlier today. Another colleague and also a dear friend has been going through some very difficult times at work. The three of us share e-mail laughs and words of encouragement every morning. I am reminded that the world is a great place, and that the poor actions of one person; even if it's someone in a leadership position, should not be the game changer of life.

Life is a series of decisions that are taken daily. It is the continuous thoughts that stream through our mind; many of them unconscious. Are they positive or are they negative? That all depends on the self and how aware we really are.
Looking back to 2007, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was on autopilot making my way through life. I was unconscious to the fact that the myriad of thoughts appearing in my mind was actually shaping my future and dictating how people saw me, judged me and even treated me. I was married and had three young girls, who I loved dearly. I was doing what I thought was important work; although I was in a job that occupied far too many hours of my day.
I was a women who, stubbornly, thought I could do it all. I was also sensitive and somewhat of an introvert. I was a pleaser with a victim mentality. Although I looked calm and collected on the outside, I was a nervous nelly on the inside. I worried about all sorts of insignificant things. I worried about what I thought I couldn't change and worried about what I knew I could change. I would fret about what my family or friends would think of me if I said something they didn't agree with or made a decision that they would question.
I welcomed family and friends into my home and my life. I made them feel welcome and they never left with an empty stomach or without a few laughs. I constantly sought peace and wanted my home to reflect it. Peace, though, came with a price. Some people abused my good nature, while others judged me or talked behind my back without really knowing who I was. I put up my guard, and internalized way too much.
How heavy is that, one asks?
Looking back through my years of increasing self awareness, I can say that it was quite heavy. Imagine living with all that baggage. Why would one choose that?
I don't know why I worried so much about cancer, or when that thought process started. It may have stemmed from the fact that my maternal grandmother, a woman I was very close to, died of cancer when I was thirteen years old. It had a deep impact on me, as I was old enough to hear my parents talking, and understand the gravity of the situation. My grandmother lived with bone cancer for four years before succombing to the disease. They were the formative years of my life.
Many years later, and during my pregnancies, many articles were published on breast cancer and self awareness. I read them with my unaware mind and worried. Would I get breast cancer? I was doing “everything” right... I breastfed my children, was active and made home cooked meals, which was supposed to lower my risk. Right? Of course these things are good, and recommended today. But I believe what is equally important is the thought process.
I have done myself a big favour through the centering of myself and through meditation. It is just as important to surround oneself with positive people and those who will be there and support you with love. This creates a positive mindset, and tips the balance from a negative to a positive thought process. Believe in yourself. It may be a cliche, but it's very true. I am not finished my spiritual growth, and have a long way to go, but I can now relate to the cards life has dealt me, and play with them in a way that has left the welcome mat in front of my door, but doesn't let just anyone walk all over it. Some of the strongest people I know have done just that. They have been through their own hardships, but used their experience to inspire others. They are our true leaders.

 

 

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